Are You An Elf? Find Out for Only $75!

Do you want to be told that you are an elf? Well, now you can! You can pay the people of Creepy Hallows just $75 and they will tell you that you are an elf!

And don't worry if for some reason they tell you that you don't have elf blood. They can take an unsuspecting elf and enslave it to you by forcing it to become bound to you... somehow. You even get to choose what kind of jewerly you want your enslaved elf's soul to be placed in. Aww. So pretty!

Of all the elf folklore I've read, I have never heard of forcing an elf to be bounded to someone so that they can have elf blood. Forget folklore! That defies the basics of DNA and biology.